remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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