my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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