i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
