do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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