8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
