you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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