I wish I could teleport
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
