dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
