why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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