Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
