I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
