I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize