just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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