why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
