if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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