I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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