My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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