he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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