They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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