I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
