Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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