We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
