im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This is the prime rib incident all over again
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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