I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
