he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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