I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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