I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
