Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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