He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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