I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
