if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I cut my penus on the lid.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
