May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
