I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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