i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
