My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
