glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
