Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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