My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
