How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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