dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
jump out the window naked night went bad
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
