No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
