I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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