Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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