Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
