the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
