Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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