you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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