Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
