I want to stick my p in your. b.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
