physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
