Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
