"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Text me some of your sweat
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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