Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
