I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize