The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm always down for nudity.
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