i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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