He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
