One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
