Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
