So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
