why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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