i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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