People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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