its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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