i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
