The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
