Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
