She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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