Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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