is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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