I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize