I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My bed smells like the plague
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
