i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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