I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
