Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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