She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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