We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
