Me. At least after what I've been through.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
