do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
