Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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