so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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