Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sext me about skeletons
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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