I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
