dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
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