Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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