I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
