from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
