She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
