Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
