I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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