I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
