I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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