mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
