You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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