Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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