New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
