After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
